it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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