goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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