Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
