Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize