Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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