He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I just want to make out with him forever
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
