youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
