to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
