i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
