Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
