I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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