god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
