my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
You've changed since you got that strap on
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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