im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i wish my penis had a tongue
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
