go do what you do best...puke behind churches
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
The beer is more important than you right now.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
