ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
