Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
