I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize