My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I miss vodka workout Fridays
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
