There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
