Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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