allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
