I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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