People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
