ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
