Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
As shirtless as possible
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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