Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Someone came in the potted fern
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I just sucked dick on a ferry
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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