i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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