I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I think my moral compass just broke
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
