omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize