u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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