There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
