I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
