I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
