The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
