the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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