What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
