In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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