Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Randomize
