I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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