Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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