I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
