i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
