Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I need to calm my uterus...
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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