NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
