I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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