Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I forgot how hot balto sounded
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize