Will you blow on my dice?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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