I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
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