it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
